LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
why is half of my head shaved?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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