I want to have your abortion
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
