Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
