moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
