best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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