oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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