Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
