My brain says no but my pants say off.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
my being single is dangerous.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
