K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
