I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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