I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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