Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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