first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
