I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
