She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
