Hey man sorry I got all grabby
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
