He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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