And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
