i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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