i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
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