How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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