I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
