I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
