If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
A+ Viking dick
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
