i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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