I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
