He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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