Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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