im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
