I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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