I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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