my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
