When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
