and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
