i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
