new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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