I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
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