when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
