It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
