You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
