Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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