the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
