honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
