I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
