dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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