How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
