I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
The feeling are messing with the penis
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
