me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
The air was thick with penises
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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