i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
