you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
